Who vs. Whom: The He/Him Test and When to Relax

Wrong~~The candidate whom we believe will win is speaking tonight.~~

RightThe candidate who we believe will win is speaking tonight. (Who is the subject of will win.)

Memory trick He = who, him = whom (both end in m), and the clause decides, not the verb nearby.

What people get wrong#

There are two opposite mistakes here, and the second is more common in careful writing.

The first is using who where formal grammar wants whom: "To who should I send this?" The second is hypercorrection, putting in whom because it sounds educated, even where the grammar calls for who: "Whom shall I say is calling?" or "the man whom I think stole my bike." Speakers usually get the first one wrong. Writers trying hard usually get the second one wrong.

The rule#

The American Heritage Dictionary states the traditional rule simply: who is a subject pronoun and whom is an object pronoun. Who does the action; whom has the action done to it, or follows a preposition.

Who called? (He called.)
Whom did you call? (You called him.)
The editor for whom I work. (I work for her.)

The test#

Rephrase the clause and substitute he or him. If he fits, use who. If him fits, use whom. The m's match.

The trick is to test only the clause the pronoun belongs to. "The man [who/whom] I think stole my bike": take out "I think" and you get "he stole my bike," so it's who. The "I think" in the middle makes it look like an object. It isn't.

The same goes for verbs and prepositions that come before a whole clause. AHD gives the example "I know nothing about who supports the governor": who is correct and whom is an error, because the object of about is the entire clause, and inside that clause who is the subject of supports. AHD's point is that whom is used when it is the object, "not when it merely comes after the verb or preposition."

The fix#

Give the ticket to ~~whomever~~ asks first.

Give the ticket to whoever asks first.

The object of "to" is the whole clause; inside it, the pronoun is the subject of "asks" (he asks).

The friend ~~who~~ I was talking to is a pilot.

The friend whom I was talking to is a pilot. (Or more naturally: the friend I was talking to.)

In formal writing, the object of "to" is whom. In everyday writing, dropping the pronoun avoids the choice altogether.

When you can relax#

Whom is on the way out of everyday English, and the reference books say so. Cambridge notes that we use whom "in formal styles or in writing" and "don't use it very often." Oxford's learner's dictionary says who is usually used as the object pronoun in spoken English, especially in questions: "Who did you invite to the party?"

AHD agrees that in informal contexts "who often replaces whom." It also offers a handy escape: swap in that, or drop the pronoun. "The governor whom the actor supports" becomes "the governor the actor supports."

There's one place to hold firm. Whom survives as the standard form directly after a preposition: "for whom," "to whom," "with whom," never "for who." If the preposition sounds stiff, move it to the end and use who: "Who should I send it to?"

Try it#

Pick who or whom, then check with he/him:

___ do you think will win? (He will win: who.)
To ___ it may concern. (Right after to: whom.)
She hired someone ___ she trusts. (She trusts him: whom formally; who, that or nothing in casual writing.)

The rule of thumb: if you aren't sure, who is the safer error. A misplaced who reads as relaxed. A misplaced whom reads as someone trying too hard.

Sources

Every factual claim on this page links to one of these. Checked November 2, 2026. See how we source.

American Heritage Dictionary: usage note at 'who' ahdictionary.com
Cambridge Dictionary, English Grammar Today: Who, whom dictionary.cambridge.org
Oxford Learner's Dictionaries: whom oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com